Tag Archives: personal stuff

TL/DR: I had a breakdown, quit my job, and feel much better

People who don’t know me well or see me regularly didn’t get it. At first only three people believed I’d done the right thing: my counsellor, my psychiatrist, and most importantly, me. Then I started telling people who’d seen how … Continue reading

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God just keeps on whistling and getting his hands dirty

That line I’ve pinched as a title was written by a beautiful bear of a musician called Adam McGrath. It’s probable that I’m drawn to big beardy men because they’re like my dad. I’m fine with that because my dad’s … Continue reading

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My big fat brain

In my last post I alluded to my ex-eating-disorder and how the BMI is evil bullshit. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 16. I’ve finally recovered from actual disordered eating, but I’m less sure I’ve shed a … Continue reading

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Other things We Don’t Talk About: a long account of how my body doesn’t work properly

TW: medical procedures, bodily fluids, suicidality; white, middle-class, first world, cisgender guilt I don’t think I’ve overshared about this much, but I have at least one chronic mystery ailment. Anyone who’s spent time with me IRL will know that I … Continue reading

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Creativity will out, apparently

At my first appointment with my new psychiatrist, he said, “you can’t tell me the person sitting in front of me isn’t creative.” The most creative thing I’d done in the previous week was dye my hair red and blue. … Continue reading

Posted in ATS, costuming, dancing, goodness, I am a big old hippie, never stop learning, sickness, Yoga | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I have strong opinions on buses

This is not about the recent and disastrous changes to Wellington’s bus systems, although I’m not a fan. This is about my possibly weird personal code of conduct on public transport. Being on buses has been exacerbating my anxiety recently. … Continue reading

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This is what the mental health system looks like to me today

Last night I wrote a post titled “this is what feeling suicidal looks like right now”. I didn’t post it because last I heard, talking about suicide made it more likely to happen. Maybe thinking has changed and I should … Continue reading

Posted in meditation on words, never stop learning, sickness, Yoga | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Actually four is the loneliest number

Don’t read this. This is my depression speaking.   I am stupidly lonely. I flat with a family of three. They are lovely humans. I smell cooking smells on the weekend and hear parenting happening I know I need to … Continue reading

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Tattoos I’ve thought about but will never get: a rant

I’ve been threatening for years to get “NO HAWKERS” tattooed on my abdomen, so that when someone wearing a beanie and carrying a stack of books approaches me in the street, I can just lift my shirt up. Maybe after … Continue reading

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On dipping my toes back in

At the end of my last post you can see the revelation hitting me like a giant bead-fringed scarf in the face: I need bellydance in order to be happy. I’m pretty sure I need ATS®. Some ancillary revelations have … Continue reading

Posted in ATS, dancing, I am a big old hippie, never stop learning, performance, sickness | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments